sarcasm needs its own font
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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