I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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