there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize