How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
