My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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