No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
