I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
