i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
