Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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