Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
