I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
