In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
