you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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