Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
