i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
