I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
