she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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