Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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