This is not my ceiling
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Is it because I queefed?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
