are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
