After last night, I could never be a politician.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
