no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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