this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
