If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
