I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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