I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
