Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
