Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
