I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
