The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
