when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
