he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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