We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
