Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
