the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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