OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I would ride that face into the sunset
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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