is your mom at the bar?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize