He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
don't judge my taste in strippers
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
