so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
