i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
