and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
