i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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