We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
there's paper in my vomit.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize