I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize
