drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
