I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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