Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
