needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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