You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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