she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
