Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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