Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
