told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
