how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
