I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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