I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
