There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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