I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
