she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
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