I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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