Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
