we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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