she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
