Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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