I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
