....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
