filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
