And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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