Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
