Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
