i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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