Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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