Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
