oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Congratulations! We have a period
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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