"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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