I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
