now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
