We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
