I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
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