Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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