Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
