Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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